We’ve all been there. Your child was calm one minute and then out of what seemed like nowhere, they get upset. Not just pouty, whiny upset, but full on tantrum upset. Screaming, yelling, crying, throwing themselves on the ground. Whether you’re in public or at home, you instantly become stressed and annoyed. Your instinct is to tell them, “Calm down! Knock it off!” But you quickly realize your words have no power. So then you feel even more stressed. You may try to distract them with a toy or treat but sometimes even that doesn’t work.
What to do now??
Here’s a step-by-step on what to do:
- If you’re public area, calmly take them to a quiet, secluded area (e.g., car, other side of the park, restroom, etc.).
- Get down on their level. Look them in their eyes.
- Give them a hug or place them in your lap.
- Offer touch (backrubs, stroke their hair).
- In a calming voice say things like “I see you’re upset.”, “You didn’t like that.” “I see you. You look very sad right now.”
- Avoid saying things like “You need to XYZ.” Or “I told you XYZ.” They simply can’t hear you when they are so emotionally activated. Hold off until they are calm to have a discussion.
Tantrums are tricky and arise for many different reasons including lack of sleep, hunger, unmet emotional needs, developmental phases, stress, and more! Ah!!
Heck, we adults have tantrums from time to time. Think about the reasons you tend to have meltdowns. Those are probably some of the reasons why your tiny humans lose it, too.
Thanks for reading. And if you try my tips, be sure to let me know how it went!
Dr. Jazmine