So I recently got asked on Instagram to talk about the struggle of balancing housework and tending to your toddler(s). This mom eluded to her daughter being clingy and struggling with independent play. I don’t know much about her specific situation but I can offer some very general suggestions.
Keep in mind these can change based on the specific situation.
Overall, I think this is a great question because we inevitably deal with this whether we are stay at home or working moms (or somewhere in between).
I first want to start off by saying that for the most part this behavior is totally developmentally appropriate. It’s exhausting for us moms, but it’s normal. We are the centers of their world. It won’t be like this forever.
Although likely developmentally appropriate… I also want to note that stress and tension in the household can lead to what looks like “clingy” behaviors. Your child absorbs the stress of the home & it can be reflected in their acting out or seemingly “clingy” behaviors (which may be rooted in anxiety and bids for comfort/soothing). More on this later.
In terms of tips, I’m going to split these up because this post is super long.
1. Make sure you are dedicating time every day to get down on your child’s level and PLAY. Not watch them from the floor or from the couch but actually on the floor interacting with them and the toys. This works wonders in filling up their “Love cup” so-to-speak so that when you do need to go off and cook dinner, for example, they are less likely to mind because they’ve had some one-on-one time with you already. Now this is not likely to prevent every bid for attention, but it will help.
2. Designate special activities for your child to do only when you need to get things done. So for my little ones, it’s either play doh, arts and crafts or an educational show.
These are things they really only do when I need to get stuff done around the house so it’s their treat.
Now of course, make sure to chose activities you feel comfortable with them doing independently.
3. Praise the opposite behaviors. So praise them when they are playing independently to encourage more of that behavior.
4. If they become upset, recognize and validate their feelings (e.g., “I see you. You want me to play with you. You don’t like that I can’t play with you right now. How frustrating!”). This doesn’t mean you need to stop what you’re doing – it just means you recognize their feelings. Recognizing and taking those feelings on as our own are two different things. It can be so hard not to absorb our child’s frustration as our own. This is a daily battle for me, personally. I will expand on this idea later. 💓
5. Practice good self care. Be sure to check in with yourself throughout the day about how you’re feeling and what you need. Oftentimes our own frustration is a sign we need a break + self care. This is a HUGE topic that I will expand on in later posts.
Taking care of toddlers and balancing life in general can be so, so hard. We want our child to be able to play on their own so that we can get things done around the house or to simply have a break. 🤪
What are some things you do to keep your little ones occupied while you tend to the house (or yourself)? How do you deal with clinginess? Comment below to help others.
Want more parenting tips? Be sure to check out my Instagram page @dr.jazminemccoy for more parenting resources. I update my Instagram often with lots of information and inspiration for parents.
Also, are you in the Sacramento/Roseville area and need parenting help? Feel free to reach out at info@drjazminemccoy.com or call me at 916-772-1642. I’m always happy to help in any way I can!
Dr. Jazmine